I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
