i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
