i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
