drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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