the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
