Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
