so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
be right there i have to get my cape
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dicks are not precious.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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