I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
