yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
