I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
