Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i drank out of a bidet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
