Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
