youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
