last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize