jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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