Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
