ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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