i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
