i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
