I got chris browned last night
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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