Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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