i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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