A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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