Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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