my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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