Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
