my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
