My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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