I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
