apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
