Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
