Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
