you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
