Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
