I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize