I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
