No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
