dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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