You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
