Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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