Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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