just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize