i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
