she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
