I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
