Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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