I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
