I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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