So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
