How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
