I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
