You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize