cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
