Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
