would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize