he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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