i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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