you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
