i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize