I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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