It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
