I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
