I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
