I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
