Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
