I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
