I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize