I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
