im drinking this country out of the recession.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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