We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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