I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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