..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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