so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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