I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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