i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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