I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
