Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just cut my nipple shaving
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
