Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
