The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
