I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
