apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im holly from the hills drunk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Randomize
