i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
