Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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