I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
