shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize