Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparently the secret to your success is patron
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
