why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
