apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
