I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
