so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
