He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
