We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
