I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
