Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
