The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
